All of us step into adulthood the product of our environment – family, education and general life experiences shaping our thinking. Unfortunately, more than a few of us commence our adult lives saddled with the ‘curse of perfectionism.’
It’s both alarming and sad to hear those unaware of the burden of Perfectionism trumpet their behaviour as something to be proud of. How often have we heard ‘I’m a Perfectionist’ offered as the rationale for doing something that others see as being totally unnecessary. Little do these proud folk appreciate the degree to which Perfectionism distorts their ability to see the big picture. It has them fixating on minute details at the expense of what really matters. And, as a result has the afflicted individual placing excessive demands on themselves and others. Their narrow focus on Perfection misses much and depending on the context, the behaviour can be dangerous.
Even our very own internationally vaunted NZ Prime Minister recently provided Perfectionism as the rationale for staying in the current Covid 19 Level. Her response to the journalist’s enquiry was simply, nothing would be changing quickly because she was a Perfectionist. I wonder what she really meant and if she understood what she was telling us about her own modus operandi?
It is important at this point to clarify that at BR we are focussed on delivering excellence! Deborah and I are not advocating a lowering of standards by suggesting that details do not matter. Getting the right stuff right is critical. Excellence is achieved by identifying what that ‘right stuff’ is and having the courage to cut through the detail that distorts judgement, slowing down progress or outright stopping things in their tracks.
If Perfectionism was just about being overly focussed on details, then we could probably leave it at that. Unfortunately, unbridled Perfectionism is insidious. It creeps into the thinking and negatively impacts our lives at work and home in a myriad of ways. It is surely also one of the contributors to the global anxiety epidemic which will only have been fuelled further by the Covid 19.
Whilst Perfectionism will always be with us, if we are inclined that way, it does not need to control us, dominating our ability to reach our potential and impacting our happiness. It is possible to take our thinking out of ‘full on’ Perfectionism. As one of our clients observed recently, you’ve got to ‘name it and tame it.’
Deborah and I have worked with the rigorously tested Human Synergistics (HS) tool with literally hundreds of clients. The HS LSI Profile presents Perfectionism as one of 12 behaviour styles - an Aggressive Defensive behaviour.
The LSI tool provides the opportunity for the Perfectionist to explore the damage that Perfectionism does to human relationships, to self-esteem and the ability to flourish in a career. Whilst a dash of Perfectionism, for example, being competent and practical, persistent and enduring, business-like or really enjoying a challenge – serves us well, taken to the extreme, Perfectionism, at its worst is ‘forceful, direct and even hostile.’ It leads to others regarding the Perfectionist as self-centred – understandably so, as the Perfectionist is the only one who can do something perfectly! Their way is the right way meaning that others around them ultimately give up and in the worst-case situations leave all the work to the Perfectionist. The corollary of that outcome frequently leads to the Perfectionist developing a victim mentality – “I’m the only one who ever does anything around here.” They are blind to the fact that it’s their very behaviour that has created this unsatisfactory situation.
So, the next time you find yourself providing the excuse for your behaviour as simply ‘I’m a Perfectionist,’ stop right there; reflect on the damage you might be doing to yourself and those within your orbit. And, if you would like to escape the ‘curse’ that is Perfectionism then know that there are some very intentional and deliberate steps coupled with scientifically proven tools to help you tame it!