I'm delighted to see some serious chat about Menopause - a previously taboo topic - across media (mainly print and radio) and social media. I'm not so delighted to be an active participant in the Menopause marathon, but I'm certainly not alone. Millions of women have suffered through Menopause before and alongside me (and I don't use the word suffer lightly).
My reason for posting is not, I promise, to gain sympathy from the masses, nor to discuss the best treatment for hormonal issues.
My reasons for posting are two-fold;
1) to acknowledge the progress that will most certainly come from the current and increasing media exposure and;
2) to encourage businesses to add this topic to their Diversity and Inclusion discussions and strategies. In fact, I’d love to see the topic become "Hormones at Work". A deeper dive into the broad topic might encourage us to discuss hormonal changes through cancer, through gender transition and even…..yes, it’s a thing….men experiencing middle age hormonal changes.
Focusing on the area in which I am experienced, which is monthly and menopausal challenges, here's where I risk upsetting people. If we're going to talk openly about hormones at work, we need to be accountable for what happens next. From my perspective, there are two layers of accountability:
Employers and Performance Managers:
Resist a knee-jerk approach to strategy. Accountability goes beyond saying we are committed to supporting people and quickly introducing tokens such as a quota in the D&I strategy for "number of hormonal people spoken to this year".
Be genuinely open to listening and supporting people who may need time, patience and flexibility. The ROI here is significant.
Be willing to offer feedback to people who "clearly become a different person for a few days every month" or are "clearly not themselves right now". At least 50% of women who suffer badly every month and through Menopause need third party feedback to help them acknowledge what's happening. Delivering such personal, confronting, feedback is far from easy but it’s the right thing to do. We have had to assist with picking up the pieces when women find out that people are talking about them, not to them.
Don't allow this to become a discussion that HR must have with everyone who is suffering. Nobody knows - or should know - their team better than a performance manager. HR should, of course, be your sounding board before having these discussions.
The hormonal individuals:
Be open to telling people that you are suffering. Without this level of vulnerability, there can be no understanding of your own situation and no role modelling for others across the business.
Be open to feedback about any impact of your hormonal behaviour on others. Most of us don’t want to be the person who makes others dread coming to work, however it is a common outcome of unaddressed behaviour changes.
Don't use it as an excuse. It is not ok to use hormones as an excuse for bad behaviour at work and it's definitely not ok to pretend that your issues are worse than they are to secure time off work. This is where I'm most likely to offend, but I make the point because we have seen it happen.
What if you're a senior leader AND the person suffering?
Senior Leaders are not immune from the impact of hormonal changes. In coaching sessions over the years, women have shared their embarrassment and feelings of failure when battling Menopause.....why can't I cope... I'm a leader..... I've coped with challenges all of my life....(and worst of all)..they won't understand/they will judge me......as though Leadership success equals the ability to nip your own hormonal challenges in the bud with no need for third party support. Sadly, the amount of senior female leaders who have suffered without sharing at work is significant and unfortunately, when a woman suffers in silence, so does her brand. Rather than discuss the situation, many women have chosen to leave their jobs and/or retire early due to those feelings of embarrassment or failure. Think of the IP and the great qualities that are lost when these women feel that leaving is the easiest option.
Equally unfortunate is the number of men across NZ businesses who have, and are, keen to help women going through tough hormonal times but without a “guide” for how to have the conversation, it’s avoided. Many are scared of offending and either leave it to HR or avoid the situation altogether. I encourage men to try to build the courage and skills to handle these sensitive situations, and to remember that HR is a must in terms of advice before having the conversation.
The current, public discussion on the topic is a huge step forward. Ultimate success from these conversations in the workplace will be, in my opinion, the voice of senior female leaders openly discussing their tough menopausal journey with peers and across the business, sharing the steps they took and support they needed. Without the tone being set at the top, others will struggle to be open and/or supported with their own challenges.
Sounds simple enough, so why isn't it happening already? That’s probably because it’s not simple. It is definitely not going to be easy, but neither have any of the Diversity and Inclusion topics introduced, accepted and now commonplace across a broad range of NZ businesses.
Let's grab this opportunity to introduce "talking hormones" at work. After all, they're hardly likely to be going away anytime soon.
